Hook Introduction
The dismay in his eyes was the most hurtful thing I’ve had to deal with.
His cute blonde locks rippled in the wind that was blowing through the open window next to our booth.
“Please don’t get off this train, Emma. It’s not safe.” He whispered softly into my ear. I had to adjust my hearing aid to actually hear him. “Can you say that again?” I asked, not realizing that he’d said something important. “...Never mind…” He drooped his head. A sudden squeal of rust and metal rubbing together
indicated that it was time to get off. A stray tear rolled down my face, followed by an army of more. He grabbed my green blouse and pulled me in for a hug.“Goodbye, my love.” I kissed his ear and grabbed my
duffel from the overhead carrier. He turned away, not able to bare the thought me leaving him.
I felt my body pull itself away from him, and before I knew it, he was out of sight.
Suddenly I was thrown into a crowd of unfamiliar faces, people that too had families to see.
Everyone was moving and I held my ear, as it started ringing from all the noise. Just one more look…
I turned around and tried to take a glimpse at the train, but it was now gone, and so was my love…
His cute blonde locks rippled in the wind that was blowing through the open window next to our booth.
“Please don’t get off this train, Emma. It’s not safe.” He whispered softly into my ear. I had to adjust my hearing aid to actually hear him. “Can you say that again?” I asked, not realizing that he’d said something important. “...Never mind…” He drooped his head. A sudden squeal of rust and metal rubbing together
indicated that it was time to get off. A stray tear rolled down my face, followed by an army of more. He grabbed my green blouse and pulled me in for a hug.“Goodbye, my love.” I kissed his ear and grabbed my
duffel from the overhead carrier. He turned away, not able to bare the thought me leaving him.
I felt my body pull itself away from him, and before I knew it, he was out of sight.
Suddenly I was thrown into a crowd of unfamiliar faces, people that too had families to see.
Everyone was moving and I held my ear, as it started ringing from all the noise. Just one more look…
I turned around and tried to take a glimpse at the train, but it was now gone, and so was my love…
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In Literacy, we have been learning how to make a good hook to start off a narrative, to pull
in the reader and make them want to continue reading. Have I hooked you in?Comment below if you would want to keep reading! Let m know if you want me to post the rest of the story.
Hi Alani!
ReplyDeleteThis writing is fantastic!
You definitely pulled me in! You commented on my 5 sentence challenge, telling me I am a good writer, but it's obvious your GREAT! I find no faults, except at the bottom, you wrote let m know, did you find the mistake? Keep up the good work!
Bye!
(thanks for sharing a WALT!)
Hey Heidi! Thanks for the heads up about my mistake, I can change that now! Also thank you for the kind compliment, it's nice to hear some positive feedback!
ReplyDeleteThank you for replying to my comment. Have an awesome holiday!
DeleteBye